Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
