she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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