My room smells like vodka and shame
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
