Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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