carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
