Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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