Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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