You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
