I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
