Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
