why didn't you poke me back
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
