his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The air was thick with penises
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
