Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
