Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
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She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
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id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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