you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
