I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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