Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize