he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
