yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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