He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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