you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
