Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
