His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
