am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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