the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
