y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
