I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
