I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
