i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
