I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
