Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
