Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
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Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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