I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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