My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize