And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
