i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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