I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
it's great music for shaving your balls
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
