You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
