Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize