I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
