My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
