Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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