You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
