party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
