ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I cut my penus on the lid.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
