This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
