You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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