ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
