Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
