It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
