I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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