her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
