i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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