im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
