Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
