it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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