I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
