I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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