he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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