yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
