Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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