I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
