He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
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Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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